Getting clean was hands-down the most daunting experience of my life. I knew that I would have to change everything about my life to get clean and stay clean. I know some people who were able to go through detox at a facility and return to their previous living situation and remain clean, but not very many. For most of us, myself included, getting clean requires changing nearly everything in your life. Toxic relationships need to be cut out. Places you associate with using need to be cut out. Activities that may act as triggers need to be eliminated. This is easy to say, but often harder to do— some of us have a significant other and children to consider, houses we own, work obligations, etc. Some of the things that are most important to us can also be dangerous to our recovery.
Early recovery is a trying time for all addicts. Our whole lives were centered around getting and using and finding the ways and means to get more. When we suddenly try to change this, our minds rebel with frightening strength as our bodies face the physical challenges of withdrawal. Everywhere we go can be a trigger—every person in our lives, our jobs, everything.
This is precisely why going to treatment is so strongly recommended for addicts entering recovery. In theory, we could get and stay clean by detoxing at home and attending meetings as frequently as possible, but in practice going to treatment and staying for the duration of the program is vital to most addicts. Sure, you get some professional attention from therapists, doctors, and other professionals, but the most important thing that I got out of treatment was a period of separation from the life that you had been living.
I can only speak from my own experience, but I could not have stayed in the place that I had been using and reasonably expect any amount of success in recovery, not for a while anyway. I had to remove myself from everything that I knew to relearn how to live without the substances that had carried me for so long. I walked away from my friends who were using and have not spoken to them to this day. I got a new phone number, deleted my old contacts, and moved to a different city to get clean. This sounds extreme, but it is what I needed to do for myself at the time.
I had to completely tear down my life to its most basic needs and rebuild from there. It was painful and frustrating at times, but as I progress in my recovery, I have taken each small step at a time towards living a happy, healthy, and productive life.
There have been moments, however, that have challenged my new way of life. Recently I was invited to a going away party for a very close friend of mine who has been very supportive of me in my recovery. He trusted me with a job at his company and has been one of my best friends for my whole life. Attending the party would be people from the people, and while they were not old using friends of mine, they still like to drink and smoke. It pained me greatly to decline the invitation, as it would have been so nice to spend some time with people who meant so much to me at one point in my life, but I have had to accept that I am an addict, and I cannot do things like that. It is not a good feeling to feel anti-social, but I am an addict in recovery and I need to make sure that remains the priority. If my old friends are truly my friends, they will understand that I simply cannot be around for that type of party anymore.
Over time, I have made new friends—I have found new things to do that don’t involve the use of drugs or alcohol. I have entered a new romantic relationship with a wonderful woman who is also in recovery. I have started to fill my life with new people, places, and things that are healthy for me in my recovery.
What I am trying to say is this—lasting recovery takes an incredible amount of determination to becoming the best possible version of yourself. Having the wisdom to remove yourself from the situations and people that contributed to your use of substances is vital to your recovery. Some of these choices may not be easy, as we become attached to a certain lifestyle when we are using that is often hard to break away from. At some point, whether we knew it or not, our whole lives became centered around our using; Our energy was spent getting and using and find ways and means to get more. We must break these habits and remove ourselves from the madness of addiction. We must make sweeping changes to our lives in order to succeed—do yourself and your recovery a favor and remove the things that are holding you back from becoming the best version of yourself.
-G.M.C, March 11, 2021, Day 479
Daily Recovery 